Five Songs (That Piss Me Off)

Every so often a band comes along and writes a song that is so bad, so ill-conceived, and just flat out WRONG, that when it becomes a hit single and gets played over and over and over again, you just lose all concept of reality and justice in the world. This is a list of just those songs.

Nickleback1) NicklebackRock Star: Now really, I don’t want to sound all preachy and conservative and crap, but some of the songs that just piss me off do so because of the obscene subject matter. This song only contains a little of that, but what it lacks in obscenity, it makes up for in shallow idiocy. First of all, Nickleback has (somehow) managed to make it into a somewhat large national act. They’re all in their late twenties or early thirties, and are most likely already swimming in pools filled with cash… so why the hell are they going to write a song like this? Now some bands, like the smaller, and considerably younger Crooked X, do write songs about their goals and aspirations, and as indy, unsigned artists, I can respect that, but why sing about it when you already have it? The music is repetitive and annoying, the low tone secondary vocals are annoying, and the song is just…. so…. shallow… It’s so incredibly hard to find any facet of this band to respect as musicians or even just a pop rock act already, this song doesn’t help AT ALL.

Pepper2) PepperDirty Hot Sex: The are SO many things about this song that piss me off. Number one, the subject matter is obscene as all get out. All it is is a guy trying to get his girlfriend to fellate him, followed by him walking in on his dad doing her, then still continuing to try to convince her to sleep with him, only not in such family-friendly terms. First of all, that song plays on rock and alt stations, the kind that is usually being played in places like Subway and in barber shops and music stores and stuff. I tend to dislike rap and R&B stations being played in public establishments for the very same reason why I don’t want THIS song to be played: my kids go almost everywhere with me. I don’t need my young, impressionable toddlers singing “baby get on your kneeeeees” after hearing this drivel. And on top of that, the dad speaks in pidgin, which is one of the most disgusting and annoying dialects I have ever heard. I’d almost rather inject myself with a potion made of the shredded pages of books written completely in ebonics than ever, ever hear that crap again.

Buckcherry3) BuckcherryCrazy Bitch: This song is just like the last one in that it’s the subject matter pisses me off. While I most certainly do like me a crazy bitch from time to time, this is the sort of song which again is played on alt and rock stations that get played commonly in public places. While it might be a cool Youtube video to have a toddler singing lyrics like, “Hey, you’re a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good I’m on top of it, when I dream, I’m doing you all night…”, it’s not the sort of thing I want my kids belting out in polite society (or what remains of it). That and the music is pretty damn plebian.

Black Eyed Peas4) The Black Eyed PeasMy Humps: There are several songs that fought hard for this spot, songs which should never have been written, performed, or in any way ever presented to the public for consumption. Most of these songs were written by BEP (mostly performed by Fergie), Gwen Stefani, and Brittany Spears. Like the songs by the other competitors, it struck me as being not a way to showcase talent, but rather a way to flaunt sexuality while taking a monster dump on musicality. If I had my choice, I’d take Fergie, Gwen, Brit, and a couple other talentless hacks of the female persuasion, toss them in the coliseum in Rome, and make them fight some lions with only a can of blue play-doh and some pistachios. This song has absolutely no merit. The (alleged) lyrics are banal, and with no redeeming quality. The music is repetitive, and there is no real danceable beat. BEP has an awesome collection of songs which are hip, trendy, and non-genre bound, and if they have any sense, they’ll never, ever, ever, play this one again.

Ludacris5) LudacrisArea Codes – This song is the embodiment of just about every reason why I hate rap in general. First of all, its whole purpose is to demonstrate that one Ludacris allegedly has ‘hoes’ in different area codes across the country, which insinuates that said hoes are either a) his property, or b) targets of his sexual conquest. I generally believe it’s the latter, since as far as I am aware, Ludacris doesn’t have the same ‘I’m a pimp’ character that Snoop Dogg has. Second of all, it preaches to excess. Almost every single rap song out there has to do with excess in one degree or another, which is, in my opinion, detrimental to society as a whole, and is one of the main detractors of the subculture to which rap is marketed. Then you add that songs like this are lauded on the radio and MTV (Music TV my ass), and are blasted through ‘pimped out’ cars, or nasty ass beaters with rims worth more than the car, or in Honolulu, rice racers with over tinted windows and spoilers as tall as my ceiling. This song sucks. A LOT. The video was mildly amusing, but there are many better lyricists out there, and better rappers. Try Andre Benjamin from Outkast, for example. That guy’s a genius. Ludacris is a choob.



~ by whatscene on January 28, 2010.

6 Responses to “Five Songs (That Piss Me Off)”

  1. Pepper For Life!!!!!!

  2. I don’t agree with your opinions, therefore you are wrong .. lighten up a little, your kids will here this whether you like it or not .. society shouldn’t all be listening to christian rock and church hymns .. calling other people tasteless or imposing your super conservative views of music on your kids or the subway sandwich shop consumers isn’t right .. relax, these songs are just a joke, not a lifestyle

  3. My blog, my propaganda. I am in no way a super-conservative; I like my pr0n, I like my slasher flicks, I cuss like a sailor.

    My kids, however, do not, and needn’t until such time as they are old enough to understand what’s going on. I may have made a mistake in failing to mention their ages, so you may misunderstand me a bit, but the combined total of their ages is less than five years old.

    Anyhow, I’ll let your comment remain, and most in opposition to my views, because you didn’t sit there using exceedingly profane language like several other comment posters have. I appreciate at least that courtesy.

  4. I loved this post — it was thought-provoking and well-written. I happen to agree that just because kids might hear this music in public places doesn’t mean you have to like it, or that you should expose them to it needlessly. Just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s got any artistic merit.

  5. […] I also found What Scene?, a blog by Jimmy Bones of Crooked Halo Productions, where he posted about five songs that “saved his life”. It’s part of a “five songs” series on his blog, where he describes five songs that had a particular impact on his life. For example, he has a list of five songs that “Depress the Hell” out of him and five songs that “piss him off”. […]

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